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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29331699">i didn’t want to hurt you</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/lux_et_astra/pseuds/lux_et_astra'>lux_et_astra</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>NCIS [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCIS</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>1mm, F/M, post 1mm, post-episode s18e06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 11:26:59</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,313</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29331699</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/lux_et_astra/pseuds/lux_et_astra</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>ellie’s shaken up after the explosion on the plane, and nick drives her home. things... happen. things she’s wanted to happen for a while now.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ellie Bishop/Nick Torres, past Ellie Bishop/Qasim Naasir</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>NCIS [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2154468</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>66</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>i didn’t want to hurt you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>she can hardly breathe.</p><p>the bomb squad is milling around the cells, disabling the bomb. she’s sure it isn’t really taking all that long, but it feels like an eternity. her legs are wobbling so hard she’s sure she’ll step off the plate and blow them all to pieces.</p><p>“nick,” she whispers, voice shaking, and bites her lip.</p><p>“it’s okay, ellie,” nick says. “it’s nearly over. stay strong, cariña. you’re nearly there.”</p><p>finally — god, finally — there’s a click and the plate releases beneath her feet. she’s not breathing. tears stream down her cheeks and her knees finally give out. she’d fall completely to the floor, if it weren’t for nick’s arms around her. he’s the only thing in the world keeping her upright.</p><p>she lets out a shaky breath and sucks one in, but it hardly feels like there’s any oxygen in the room at all. nick must feel the way her shoulders shake, because he leads her up the stairs, hand firm on the small of her back, and outside. there’s a log by the veranda and she sits down heavily, like she can’t stand any more. to be honest, she’s not sure she can.</p><p>nick kneels on the dusty ground in front of her and puts his hands on her knees. “breathe, ellie,” he says. “inhala, exhala. inhala, exhala.”</p><p>she breathes slowly, shakily, with his guidance. it helps. his hands are grounding on her legs and she puts her own on top of them. hers are cold. </p><p>she’s not sure how long they sit there. his legs must be cramping, but he doesn’t say a word. he just stays there, with her. finally she feels like she has enough feeling in her numb legs to stand, and he helps her up. there’s an arm around her back keeping her steady and she doesn’t want him to let go.</p><p>“come on,” nick says. “i’ll drive you home.”</p><p> </p><p>she falls asleep in the car, her head resting on the ncis jacket pressed between her cheek and the cold window. it smells like him, and when she sleeps, she dreams of him too. she dreams of his arms holding her as they stay there, silent, as though nothing else in the whole world matters.</p><p>“ellie,” he says softly, and shakes her shoulders. “c’mon, ellie. you’re home.”</p><p>“mm,” she murmurs. she rolls over, the seatbelt digging into the bruise on her shoulder. “ow.”</p><p>“are you okay?” nick asks immediately. “are you hurt?”</p><p>“i’m fine,” she says, and gives a sleepy half-smile. “you don’t have to worry about me.”</p><p>“yeah,” says nick quietly. “i do.” he unclips her seatbelt and opens his door. “come on.”</p><p>he walks her up to her apartment. she tries not to wince as her aching, tired legs make their way up the too-many stairs. but some of it must show on her face, because nick pauses. “you okay?” he asks.</p><p>“really,” ellie says, and almost laughs. “i’m fine.”</p><p>she pushes herself up the last few steps and allows herself a moment to lean against the wall next to her front door. “this is me,” she says, entirely unnecessarily.</p><p>“okay,” says nick, and he looks reluctant. “remember, you have to go for a checkup in the morning. if you want, i could come by and pick you up.”</p><p>this time she actually does laugh. “before eight in the morning? no way, nick.”</p><p>nick pulls a face. “fine then, i’ll just—”</p><p>“stay,” she blurts out before she can think better of it. she can’t meet his eyes. “please. stay.”</p><p>she chances a glance at nick’s face, which softens immediately. “of course,” he says, and she unlocks her door and lets him in.</p><p> </p><p>once he’s inside, she’s somehow not exactly sure what she hoped to gain from this. “uh, sit down,” she suggests awkwardly. “make yourself comfortable. i’ll get drinks, do you want anything?”</p><p>his hands rest on her shoulders and push her gently down to sit on her grey sofa. “sit,” he says. “you’re still hurt.”</p><p>“i’m fine,” says ellie breezily. “i hardly even feel it.”</p><p>“ellie,” nick says firmly. “you have broken ribs, a possible concussion, a pulled muscle — in the same leg as you’ve been standing on all day, by the way, don’t think i didn’t notice — and bruises i don’t even want to count. don’t think i don’t know you’re in pain.”</p><p>because that’s it, isn’t it? he noticed. he <i>always</i> notices her. she doesn’t know how she hasn’t seen it before.</p><p>so she stays sat down and lets nick rummage through her kitchen.</p><p>“where do you keep the cocoa?” he asks. </p><p>“are you making hot chocolate?” ellie calls. “i want coffee, nick.”</p><p>“nope,” nick calls back, resting his elbows on the island. “you don’t need caffeine, you heard palmer. you need to rest.”</p><p>“do you really think i can?” she asks, and it’s supposed to be a joke but her breath hitches and almost without realising it she’s crying, gasping for air as her shoulders are racked with heaving sobs that hurt her barely-healing ribs.</p><p>“hey, ellie,” nick says, and immediately comes over and sits on the sofa beside her. he wraps an arm around her shaking shoulders and presses his face to the top of her head. “shh, it’s okay. it’s okay, ellie. you’re okay.”</p><p>“i’m sorry,” she gasps. “this is— i’m so <i>pathetic</i>, i—”</p><p>“no,” says nick, and his voice is firm. “not at all, ellie. you’re so amazingly strong. honestly, you impress me. after everything that’s happened—”</p><p>she should let him keep going, should let him finish, but she doesn’t. instead, she presses her body into him and kisses him on the lips.</p><p>he makes a noise of surprise, but doesn’t pull away straight away. she pushes her hands towards him, pressing against his chest, and he pulls away.</p><p>“ellie,” he says softly. “stop.”</p><p>“what?” she says, and pulls away from him sharply and bites her lip. oh, god. she’s totally misread the way he’s been looking at her. <i>like a sister,</i> his words echo in her head. “god, nick, i’m— i’m so sorry, i—”</p><p>“no,” says nick, and catches her hand as it runs through her tangled hair. “no, it’s not that, i—” he shakes his head. “it’s really not that at all. i would love to do this with you, you have no idea, but… is now the right time?”</p><p>“yes,” ellie says, but she’s not sure. “i— i don’t know.”</p><p>nick rubs his thumb over her hand. “you’re hurt,” he says. “you’re vulnerable. i don’t want to take advantage of that.”</p><p>“you’re not,” ellie whispers. “i’ve wanted to do this for…” she laughs. “ever since the accident,” she admits. “that’s when i realised i was… in love with you.” she glances at his face and sees a wide smile.</p><p>“i’ve known for years, and you’ve known for a month?” nick teases.</p><p>“years?” she repeats, hardly believing it. </p><p>nick nods. “i first realised i felt something for you when we went undercover as charlie and luis,” he says. “i realised it was love when i got drunk because i missed clay and i was at the bar, drunk and miserable, and i realised there was nobody i’d rather go to than you.”</p><p>ellie gives a soft laugh. “we’re a pair, aren’t we?” she says, and leans her head against his shoulder. “why the hell didn’t we say anything sooner?”</p><p>“you haven’t exactly had it great, with jake, and then qasim,” nick says. he shrugs against her cheek. “i didn’t want to hurt you.”</p><p>“yeah,” ellie breathes. “i guess i didn’t want to get hurt.” she turns to face him. “i’m okay with this, nick,” she says. “really.”</p><p>“okay,” says nick, a smile spreading across his face. “if you’re sure.” </p><p>he leans down to kiss her and cups her face in his hands. ellie lifts a hand to clasp around his wrist.</p><p>“come to bed.”</p>
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